On Monday I joined some ladies from my church at two of our local care centers or nursing homes for some entertainment. Our tasks were easy. Dress in red, white and blue, wave a little flag, smile and sing patriotic songs. My thoughts optimistic, sure I can do this!
Our performances went well and I think that the patrons truly enjoyed something different then watching "The Wheel of Fortune." Even though the poetry was beautifully spoken and the music completed, I left feeling sad and extremely upset. My thoughts we not about the service we rendered but about those poor people trapped there.
I know that age and death comes to all of us. I just can not imagine living life like that. A life where you are longing for someone to talk to, needing a nurse to wipe the drool off your chin or take care of other bodily functions, or feeling completely worthless to society.
Some of the sweet ladies that I went with are probably older then some of the patrons that we entertained but yet these ladies are still living at home caring on a perfectly normal life. So what happens in life that makes it where you end up in such an awful place? Did they loose a spouse and had no one to live for, medical conditions, or were they a "burden" to their families?
One thing that I have observed in life for many of us, we will leave this world with the mentality of a child. An interesting thought that you enter as a child and leave as a child. Alzheimer's is one of those angering diseases that you will leave as a child and also a condition that can be genetic. I am so terribly afraid that I will get Alzheimer's and will have no memories of my sweet Livy, my happy marriage or wonderful adventures I went on.
I came home very upset and protested to Eduardo that he will never send me to a place like that in 60 years when I forget who I am. I don't want a life like that. I want to remain in my home. I want to be with my cats (naturally different ones), my possessions, my family, my bed and my limited memories. He reassured me that he will never send me away. But in my mind, I am afraid of being a "burden" and would understand if they simply couldn't understand my childish ramblings.
Before my grandmother died, we had to put her in a home because she had fallen and broken her hip. She lived very far from here and her husband could no longer care for her. He was physically not capable of doing her physical therapy or of the speech therapy required after she suffered a TIA (mini-stroke). It was a heartbreaking decision, and she passed away soon after she was taken out of her familiar environment. I hope to never see it happen to another family member or a friend, although I have heard some of the assisted living communities are better than the one she was in.
ReplyDeleteI would have left feeling upset as well. It is heartbreaking to walk out that door back to your "normal" life and know that they are stuck and maybe feel unloved by family.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to the days when families took care of each other? This gives me some thought fodder for the future as I watch my own parents grow old.
Good post! And thanks for popping in at my blog! I think you chose a perfect name for your daughter... that is my middle daughter's name as well and I love the meaning, "maker or bringer of peace".
Peace to you!
Unfortunately this is inevitable for many of us. But there is a good side too- nursing home staffs have learned from experience on how to spot problems early. My Granny actually had a bladder infection and she didn't show any classic symptoms. My uncle and aunt decided to say something to one of the nurses the second day they noticed she was "acting funny" and the reply? "Oh, yeah, she has a bladder infection and we started her on antibiotics a few days ago".
ReplyDeleteShe got better right away and they even gave her a little tylenol to make sure she wasn't in pain. If she had been with my Mom or uncle, they wouldn't have noticed for a long time. Her treatment would have been delayed and could have caused a worse infection (kidneys) and left my Granny in tons of pain with no way to tell anyone. (She's often confused.)
My mother-in-law is anti-nursing home. She has been smart enough to buy long term care insurance to cover in home nursing should she need it. We're too young to buy it yet, but maybe it's something to think about in the future?