Since we moved I've been feeling even more inadequacy than usual. I've moved to a place filled with wonderful people. The odd thing is that there is a greater percentage of women here who have served missions and have collage degrees than any other place I've lived before. There are seriously only a few people that I've talked to that haven't served a mission. Ed has even noticed this. I really dislike when they ask me where I served or what my degree is in because I didn't do either.
Back in High School I had tons of plans. I remember being interviewed for the yearbook to document just what I was going to do. I was going to attend a University in Europe (I was either going to head to Germany or France). I was to studying International Business with a minor in a language (French or German). I was going to work for a large European corporation and be successful. These plans didn't work out. Shortly after graduating from school my dad became very ill and my older siblings and I had medical power of attorney so I had to stay and help him.
Shortly after, I got married to the most wonderful man in the world. I decision that I am VERY happy about! I attend collage continued to attend until I got very sick. I just couldn't continue that semester so I withdrew and never went back. We decided it was best for me to work and Ed to go to school.
While Ed was attending the university I would think of the different degrees that I wanted to go back to get. I've thought about History or Elementary Education and several others that I can't remember now.
When Ed graduated with his bachelors degree, it still wasn't time for me to go back. I had a new baby (my sweet Olivia) and she was to be my focus. Years have gone by and I still haven't gone back to school. Ed is now doing his Masters degree. I don't know when it will be time for me to go back or even what I would study.
Honestly I am terrified of going back and doing homework. I am afraid of failure. I really have no intention of getting a degree to use and perhaps that has a lot to do with my lack of motivation. I LOVE being a stay-at-home-mom. I could never picture myself as the big corporate woman that I once wanted to be. Even when my children head off to school, I want to be home. I want to be at their cross roads.
I am doing the MOST important job in the world and certainly one of the hardest jobs I've ever had. Someday Ed and I will serve missions. That is actually one reason why he's gone back to school. He wants a career that will bring in some money and it's not for us to be wealthy. The money is for our future missionS, our children's collage educations and to give.
I don't know if I will ever complete my goals of learning another language, graduating with a Bachelors degree but I do know that I will work hard in the path that I've been given. I have things to learn from these wonderful women around me and hopefully I have something to give back to them. Hey, Ed and I do hold the ward title for being the longest married by 3 1/2 years.
Just my thoughts today.
Back in High School I had tons of plans. I remember being interviewed for the yearbook to document just what I was going to do. I was going to attend a University in Europe (I was either going to head to Germany or France). I was to studying International Business with a minor in a language (French or German). I was going to work for a large European corporation and be successful. These plans didn't work out. Shortly after graduating from school my dad became very ill and my older siblings and I had medical power of attorney so I had to stay and help him.
Shortly after, I got married to the most wonderful man in the world. I decision that I am VERY happy about! I attend collage continued to attend until I got very sick. I just couldn't continue that semester so I withdrew and never went back. We decided it was best for me to work and Ed to go to school.
While Ed was attending the university I would think of the different degrees that I wanted to go back to get. I've thought about History or Elementary Education and several others that I can't remember now.
When Ed graduated with his bachelors degree, it still wasn't time for me to go back. I had a new baby (my sweet Olivia) and she was to be my focus. Years have gone by and I still haven't gone back to school. Ed is now doing his Masters degree. I don't know when it will be time for me to go back or even what I would study.
Honestly I am terrified of going back and doing homework. I am afraid of failure. I really have no intention of getting a degree to use and perhaps that has a lot to do with my lack of motivation. I LOVE being a stay-at-home-mom. I could never picture myself as the big corporate woman that I once wanted to be. Even when my children head off to school, I want to be home. I want to be at their cross roads.
I am doing the MOST important job in the world and certainly one of the hardest jobs I've ever had. Someday Ed and I will serve missions. That is actually one reason why he's gone back to school. He wants a career that will bring in some money and it's not for us to be wealthy. The money is for our future missionS, our children's collage educations and to give.
I don't know if I will ever complete my goals of learning another language, graduating with a Bachelors degree but I do know that I will work hard in the path that I've been given. I have things to learn from these wonderful women around me and hopefully I have something to give back to them. Hey, Ed and I do hold the ward title for being the longest married by 3 1/2 years.
Just my thoughts today.
You are so right! Being a Mom is the most wonderful and hardest job I can imagine. I do have to work part-time (our financial situation is just not good enough for me to stay at home completely) and most of the time I like it. But when I come home, the "other" - harder - job just starts! Unfortunately the "Mom-job" is still not regarded equal to any paid job... Isn't that sad?
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Being a mom is really important. I love having my bachelor's and Master's, but they are more "insurance" for me than anything. I keep going to school (starting a genealogy program in the fall) to keep my teaching certificate current--just more insurance. I think you would love college, but maybe doing the BYU General Studies degree would fit you better in terms of demands and counting the credits you have already taken. You are a smart, accomplished woman--a degree would just be icing on the cake and "insurance" for the future. As it is, even with my degrees, I hope to never work until my children are out of the home. It's too important to raise them.
ReplyDeleteI never got my Bachelor degree. I got an Associate degree from Ricks College, and then I got my medical assisting certificate. I never quite know what to say when say to me: "Oh, so you're done with school?" Because I don't know the answer to that. I'd love to go back someday, but it would just be for my own fulfillment. I have never really been career-driven. I always wanted to be a mom (even though I can't handle it most days!!!!)
ReplyDeleteI always KNEW I'd serve a mission. I don't even feel like it was a decision for me, I always felt like it was a "calling" or something. I just knew I'd go. I knew I wouldn't marry right out of high school...I didn't even have a boyfriend during any of it, really. When I was 17, we took a friend of ours to the MTC (back when you could go with the missionaries to the parents meeting), and when we had to get back in the car and go home, I felt SO ansty. I still had to wait for 4 years!! I was very mission-focused all during my late teens. That said, I would NEVER EVER EVER think less of or look down on any woman who didn't serve one (I hope you didn't feel that from me!!).
well anyway, I'm SO glad you moved here, for selfish reasons! I have LOVED having you as a dear friend, and I love how quickly we just clicked! I have gone through a lot of my time here feeling lonely every now and then...and right now, I don't feel that AT ALL, and it's thanks to wonderful friends like you!!
Nicol you could still do it...any of it. You could go back to school, you could serve on a mission (maybe not in the traditional LDS sense), you could get a job you loved, AND you could be a SAHM. Maybe you couldn't do all of these things at the same time, but you could do them one day.
ReplyDeleteYou are FABULOUS writer and communicator. The thought process you need to have for yourself is not "I had all of these dreams for myself that I had to give up," but rather “God had some surprises for my life that I am fully experiencing. Education and my own self-betterment are still important to me. God is going to show me a way to accomplish that to and I am actively watching to see how that turns out."
At least that's what a Methodist like me thinks about your situation! :)
Hello, Jenny up there linked me to your blog. :) You are clearly a person who loves to learn, but that doesn't mean you need to start taking courses right now! I often wish I could and then realize I have too much on my plate to be able to commit to a strict schedule and lots of homework. But what I do works for me!
ReplyDeleteWe are flooded with opportunities to learn everywhere we look, thanks to libraries and the Internet. This year I have had a lot of fun participating in reading challenges and a classics club on book blogs--I'm reading more really good books. There are online courses and lectures with varying degrees of commitment, from free lectures at your own pace to courses you sign up for and stick to a light schedule for no credit but lots of fun. The world of podcasts is wonderful, and you can listen to history or science while you wash dishes! The same goes for audio books, available for cheap online.
Heavenly Father has a plan for you. So far it has not involved college, but it has involved lots of other good stuff. :)
It's interesting the way life takes turns that we never anticipated (or even wanted) and how much different our lives look from what we had envisioned. However, when we remember that it is the Lord guiding and leading our lives it makes the downs not quite so bad. Thanks for sharing Nicol.
ReplyDeleteWow... and here I was feeling intimidated from the first moment I heard about you and met you because you are so driven. You seem to have it all together, you do so much with home school for you girls, you volunteer up at This is the place state park, you are organized, and you seem to have your hands in everything and seem to do it all seamlessly. I feel like I can't even keep my head above water most days, and you seem to do everything with your girls and family and don't every seem to be ruffled by anything. I might work and have a degree, and I might have gone on a mission... but i'll tell you what, I feel just as intimidated by your accomplishments as you do by so many of the people in the court. It's all a matter of perspective. I look at you and wish I had the time to be as involved in things as you are, and I don't see someone who is in anyway less than any other person in our court. I see someone who is mature, and has SOOO much going for her, that it feels like I can never measure up! You are amazing... don't sell yourself short by two standards that don't really make a person better than anyone else. We are so glad you are here... and I KNOW there is a lot the sisters in our ward have to learn from you. We are SOOO glad you are here!
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