As I have read through various blogs or talked with different friends, I have come to realized that being sisters (or brother & sister) is far different then I have experienced. I have three sisters and one brother and growing up was hard. My mom raised 5 children on her own (she is super woman for taking on such a task). We kids would fight constantly and in a way there was competition between us (certainly not the healthy kind).
Now as adults, you would think that we would finally get over our childish squabbles and start building a relationship. Instead we are like a piece of driftwood out at sea, hoping that someday you may find land. The only phone calls made to each other is when one wants something from the other. If we are lucky, we get a 30 second phone call on our birthdays and that is only if they didn't have access to email at the moment. We rarely do anything together unless there is a "FFF" (Forced Family Fun) planned. I never hear about recitals, school concerts or fundraisers. I would like to be a part of my nieces lives and I want Livy to know her cousins.
I feel that one of the most important things in a persons life should be their family. We are the ones who should be there for each other. The ones that you can call and know that you will not be judged. The ones who will give you a second opinion. The ones to go out with to get your nails done or invite over for dinner or simply chat with. The ones who would save up to visit you in a different state or country because they miss you and want to see you. Maybe it is my "emotional" feelings towards families that I want Livy to have a great relationship with her future siblings. I want her to have the relationships that I never had.
For those who have that kind of relationship with your siblings, how did your parents do it? How are you helping your children forge a lifetime relationship with each other?
My brother and I are close, not extremely, but we talk once or twice a month, email each other funny stuff, and see each other at least a few times a year. I don't know if it's that we were three years apart and different genders (so no competition), or that it was just the two of us. One big part of it was moving. We moved about 5 times growing up and often played together until we found friends. Moving also made the four of us close (Mom and Dad too) because we had to rely on each other a lot and spent some holidays by ourselves or with friends.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can forge great family bonds with your children! It's a hard thing to do sometimes, but it's such a blessing when it works!
Man, I don't know... My Brothers and I are very close, but Nathan's siblings aren't. I don't know... All of my family live in Idaho 3 or more hours away and Nathan's family here in the valley, my children see their cousins from Idaho more than the ones here in the valley. I guess it is all a matter of choosing to put forth the effort af being close on both sides of the relationship. It won't work with just a one-sided effort. That would be my bit of wisdom for today. :o)
ReplyDeleteI've had similar challenges in my family. The one thing I've learned, is that if you want those relationships, you yourself may have to put in the extra time and effort for awhile-frequent phone calls/visits, dinners/game nights at your home etc.
ReplyDeleteBut you have to be willing to be the one who initiates and not get resentful, deciding you are doing this because it's the kind of life YOU want.
Once they see this is the type of relationship you want, usually family is more than willing to jump on board. Someone just needs to get that ball rolling...
You could also make it a matter of prayer-you're sure to find some ideas that way ;)
Good luck!
P.S. I love this painting! Do you have more info about it? (artist/title/or where you found it) Thanks!
Oh! I forgot to site the painting....sorry.
ReplyDeleteWilliam-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905) - Two Sisters (1901)
I should have known! He has a painting that my mother used to have hanging in our kitchen (it's one of my favorites).
ReplyDeleteHere's a link if you want to take a peak: commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:William-Adolphe_Bouguereau_(1825-1905)_-_The_Broken_Pitcher_(1891).jpg
As you know I have my sister staying with us at the moment and its made me think a lot about family. We are a very close family as a result of living apart a lot. We call each other often and send text messages and emails continuously. I count my sister as one of my closest friends but we didn't always get along so well. There is a five year age gap between us so we were always just too far apart to be really close growing up. It was only when the age gap became irrelevant which was leaving school that our similarities allowed us to become friends. I am still ambivilent about having another baby, don't get me wrong, I would love to but I worry so much about the responsibility and cost to bring up another child however we are absolutely going to have another if we can because I so badly want my Amy to have a sibling. I believe family is a blessing and will try to raise my children as my parents raised me, with confidence, communication and lots of love and fun.
ReplyDeleteYou know all too well that I don't have this. I have three stepsisters, but my mom was single until I was 18 and even before that, my stepsisters weren't around me much. Plus, as adults, we have next to nothing in common.
ReplyDeleteHowever, since I got married, I have marveled at the structure of Alan's family. While they certainly have their issues, all three boys are close and share very similar interests. I think in their case, the interests have been the key. We will go with Alan's younger brother, Paul, to watch basketball games at his house or at their parents house. The three boys will go in any combination to play drop-in hockey or go golfing together whenever they have time.
His family is fantastic because they are there whenever we need it, and we are there for them in exchange. It goes from something as simple to helping with a tire change to dropping everything when Paul was shot. and flying to Maryland. Plus, his mom is very diligent about planning family things--we go out to dinner for birthdays and holidays, and will often go see a movie on a holiday (like the 4th of July) as well.
Most of this is a function of distance. We all live within a half hour of each other. When Paul was in the Marines and stationed wherever, we kept in touch through regular emails, and they were all passed around the family.
I would suggest finding common ground and using that to bond. It may be something as simple as reading similar books or taking a trip together outside of where you both live. Otherwise, regular contact (phone, email) outside of "key" times of the year is how our family makes plans and keeps up with one another. Sadly, you may be on the giving end of this more than the receiving for a long time before the relationships really kick in. Just don't give up!
Hi there, This is a rather personal thing to post on but I felt compelled to. My husband is an only child, therefore, only child syndrome does come out at times. Myself, I had a large, VERY large biological family with second, third, and fourth cousins. Some who are ministers and pastors. I've experienced much of the same things you have and been left wondering what the heck! Reaching out and getting little to nothing in return is saddening and disappointing. We all have our calling here in this life and it differs from our family/friends. A family is much more than being of the same gene pool. Family is all around and much more than that. At least thats what I've found to be true. The ones who are there for us and take interest in us are our family. Extended.....yes....but nonetheless they are the ones that can be counted on the most. It is still bothersome how I can have an enormous family but my friends are the ones who are there.
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